the "stand-up" guy

This is my first blog. Well, not my first blog ever - I tend to be a bit of a computer geek, and I had a political blog way back in the day. It was inspired by the theft of the presidential election in 2000 by George W. Bush (I suppose you can glean from how I phrased that sentence what my political leanings are.) It's been lying dormant for several years now, and I never really felt compelled to pick up the gauntlet and start writing again. Until now.

This new blog is going to be about the craziness of living in Los Angeles. I've been here for 15 years, and like a lot of Angelenos, I have a love/hate relationship with this city. I love the geography-the mountains, the gorgeous beaches-but pretty much hate the people. They're what makes living here feel like living on the razor's edge sometimes.

So, what was my inspiration to pen this first essay? Another blog, actually. A blog written by a guy I met on an online dating site, who I went out with once, who totally stood me up for our second date. Now, I handled being stood up a little poorly - I sent him a pretty insulting text message, I gotta admit. But what he did next made my jaw absolutely drop and goes in that "what was he thinking" category. First off, he knows I'm a geek who designs web pages-did he seriously think I would never see his blog? Secondly, he also knows I'm a writer. So..come on, Mike. You shoulda predicted this outcome and kept your dishonest mouth shut.

Mike writes a blog called "fierce and nerdy". I'm not so sure about his nerd credentials, but yes, he is fierce in the sense that he is acerbic, sarcastic, insulting, and apparently, libelous, but I didn't realize that until I saw his blog about ME.

Here's his blog, in which he proceeds to completely twist and distort the story of what happened between us. In his blog, he characterizes our date as one of those"one-hit wonders." You know the type - the ones where you don't even kiss goodbye.

http://fierceandnerdy.com/single-white-nerd-an-open-letter-to-s

From his blog:

"The date went fine. At the end of it, I let loose my stock line for all dates that go ‘fine:’ “It was great meeting you, thanks for taking the time to come out. Take care.” There was no implication of desire to spend more time together in a romantic way. "

Mike-you might want to look in the mirror and see if your nose is growing, my dear. If you recall, on that warm, sultry night of April 14th, we couldn't keep our hands off each other at the end of the date. If we were to debate in a court of law, I'm sure I could scare up at least 1 bartender who saw us making out at that little place on Melrose where we stopped for cocktails.

In fact, when you walked me to my car, you invited me back to your place, but as I told you, I prefered to take it slow, because I actually liked you. I thought you were smart and funny, and not at all like a lot of the losers I've met in this city. And yes, I was attracted to you, but I think the occupants of the bar that night could attest it wasn't one-sided. And you clearly expressed a desire to see me again.

Mike also implies in his blog that the texts and emails I sent him, post-first-date, were completely unsolicited and unwarranted. Note to Mike: I already stated once in this blog that you should've remembered my technological savviness before you engaged in your little one-man smear campaign.

Mike states in HIS blog: " There was no implication of desire to spend more time together in a romantic way. And yet you called the next day. And emailed. And texted. Finally, as I’m sure you remember, I wrote what I felt was an even-handed, mature, and genteel message:

“Thank you so much, but to be honest I’m not interested in pursuing a dating relationship with you. Take care and good luck out there!”

Actually, Mike, NO I DON'T REMEMBER. I wonder whom he sent that message to. Cuz I sure didn't get it. Maybe it got lost in the ether or something?

Hmmm.. .Mike, do you have any proof of said message? Perhaps you can post it.

See, unlike Mike, if we were in a court of law, I could actually provide written evidence contradicting his story. I just so happen to have screenshots of our IMs and emails.

EXHIBIT A. - An email exchange taking place after our first date, where we both clearly state that we would like to see each other again. I have blocked off his email address to protect him - lord knows why I should care about that after what he's done, but despite having my inner cougar riled up when someone stands me up, I do have SOME ethics.


As you can see, I blocked off the text of his email where he clearly states he'd like to see me AGAIN.

AGAIN implies, another time after the first time, doesn't it, Mike?

I could post other screenshots-photos of our quite pleasant, jokey continuing banter over IM that took place during that time, but I don't want to bog this blog down. Feel free to email me if you'd like to see more.

We talked a lot about what a rough week he was having-he was having a really tough time at work, and I sympathized. I even sent a text message to make sure he was okay. Despite his rough week, he said he was able to get together the following Sunday.

EXHIBIT B.

The Saturday before our SECOND date, I emailed him to confirm. Here was the response:




Sounds like a pretty positive confirmation, doesn't it? Ay, here's the rub. I never got a reply to my email about what time and where we were supposed to meet.

Sunday rolls around. Before I know it, it's noon, and I haven't heard a peep out of Mike. So I text him, "are we still on"? crickets. I was actually invited out later that evening to an event I was interested in, so I really would have appreciated a confirmation from Mike. Because he DID confirm just the day before, I put everything on hold.

By the way, that's the thing that always bugs me about being stood up. I feel it is the ultimate form of disrespect of someone else's time.

By 5p Sunday, I was starting to get a little worried. Some seriously bad things had happened to him at work leading up to the weekend - I mean, someone actually DIED, so I felt like I had good reason to be concerned.

EXHIBIT C.

At around 6p, I sent him this email, since he was not replying to any of my text messages.



By 9p, I had nothing. Crickets still.

So, being the techno-geek that I am, I decided to check out his Facebook, to a) make sure he was still alive, and b) see if there were any clues as to why he would totally disappear on me like that, when he genuinely did seem to like me.

On his Facebook, he made a status update at around 8:30 pm. I was relieved to find out he wasn't dead. And then I found a clue-a link to his "fierce and nerdy" blog where he talks about a third date in which the girl said "I love you" to him, and begs him not to blog about it. So what does he do? BLOG ABOUT IT.

You can read it here:

http://fierceandnerdy.com/single-white-nerd-please-dont-blog-about-this

"Ah...so, he's got someone already, and he's too chickens**t to tell me", I thought. True to form, he was completely sarcastic and somewhat insulting in his blog-I felt sorry for the girl he was referring to, honestly. Little did I know that I would become the next object of his sword-like pen.

The one thing in his blog that's true (other than the fact that I am not un-attractive) is what I said in my subsequent text message. I did INDEED text him, at around 11p that Sunday, to say:

"Just 1 more thing. Yknow, u don’t have nearly enough going for u in the dating arena to pull this kind of arrogant bullshit. You’re short and bald and don’t seem to make a lot of money. And you’re definitely not as smart as I initially pegged u.”

I know-it's mean and comes across as a little psycho. But as a woman in L.A., the stand-up routine gets a bit old. I kept thinking, where does he get off, leaving me sitting around the entire day? Forget the fact that it's just degrading and rude to be stood up on; I was actually worried about this guy, only to find out he was just too much of a wimp to tell me he was seeing someone else. And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to take a crack at him for completely exposing and poking fun of that other woman's vulnerability.

So yeah, I made a pretty big dig at him. Mike, I'm sorry. You may be short and bald and poor-I am honestly not the superficial L.A. golddigger type to care about that BS. I really did like you. But, despite my advanced age (which I am not sure why you thought it necessary to point out on your blog), I am a catch. Like you said, I'm not un-attractive. I'm smart. I can cook. I'm financially independent. And we seemed to have a genuine connection.

So I guess I'm still stymied about you. I guess that's why I cyberstalked your Facebook recently. Or maybe I was curious if that relationship with the chick you blogged about was still working out for ya. To my utter amazement, I found out you actually took the time to make up a totally bogus story about what happened between us. And to what end? To get revenge? As some form of catharsis? Or is there just nothing whatsoever else going on in your life right now you can blog about?

In AA, they talk about people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest-are you one of those people?

And as far as me questioning your intelligence goes, you say in your blog that I should have "Dress(ed) in something sexy and say “you’re not getting any of these goodies, Mister.” The funny thing is, we joked about me giving up the goodies on like, the third date. You should've at least done the typical L.A. thing and waited til I put out before pulling your stand-up routine...thus, the "not as smart as I thought" comment.

In closing, I think it's rather amusing that your Facebook status says this:

Nice. Can we just turn that around to say "always check to see if your target blogs about HER dating life, before you post untruths on the interwebz."